Partners of Sex Addicts: PTSD – Sex Addiction Induced Trauma


Partners of Sex Addicts: Sex Addiction Induced Trauma

McKinney Counseling & Recovery specializes in individual, couples and group therapy for partners of sex addicts and intimacy anorexics in the McKinney, Plano, Allen, Frisco, Dallas and surrounding areas.

I recently came across an article in The National Psychologist by Dr. Omar Minwalla. Dr. Minwalla is a psychologist, clinical sexologist and clinical director of The Institute for Sexual Health (ISH), a treatment center in Los Angeles that specializes in rehabilitation and psychotherapy for sex and porn addiction. Importantly, ISH focuses on the healing needs of the addict as well as the spouse, and is one of the few sex addiction treatment programs that conducts research on the traumatic impact of sex addiction on the addict’s partner.

According to Dr. Minwalla, partners of sex addicts often experience Sex Addiction Induced Trauma (SAI-T). SAI-T is a specific type of  trauma that results from the direct impact of sex addiction, including the impact of the sex addict’s chronic pattern of sexual acting out, relational disturbance, emotional abuse, deception, betrayal, manipulation and compartmentalization.

According to Dr. Minwalla, partners of sex addicts often present to treatment with symptoms similar to rape trauma syndrome (RTS) and complex post-traumatic-stress disorder (C-PTSD). This includes a re-experiencing of the trauma, social and emotional constriction, frequent triggering and physiological and emotional reactivity, anxiety, emotional arousal and hyper-vigilance. Some partners experience fears of exposure to sexually transmitted disease or concerns for the safety of their children. Social isolation, shame, and disruption in the ability to trust their spouse, self, or others is common.  Psychological pain for partners of sex addicts is particularly intense upon new discovery of sexual acting out, deceit, or relationship betrayals.

Dr. Minwalla indicates that the traditional field of sex addiction treatment often ignores the partner’s trauma symptoms. In fact, few professionals are familiar with Sex Addiction Induced Trauma and, therefore, remain largely unresponsive to addressing the healing needs of the partner.

The co-addiction and codependency model of treatment that is frequently used by sex addiction treatment specialists is described as “inadequate, clinically contra-indicated and wrought with ethical and moral challenges.” In fact, Dr. Minwalla describes traditional therapy models that focus solely on co-addiction, while ignoring trauma, as potentially harmful and re-traumatizing .

As a psychologist who specializes in helping partners of sex addicts recover from sex addiction induced trauma, I wholeheartedly applaud Dr. Minwalla’s efforts and look forward to the day when the sex addiction treatment community heeds his call for  ”compassionate and responsible action” for partners of sex addicts.

Dr. Janice Caudill, founder and Clinical Director of McKinney Counseling & Recovery, is a psychologist who specializes in helping individuals and couples heal from sex and love addiction, intimacy anorexia and intimacy deprivation, and relational trauma. McKinney Counseling & Recovery serves the McKinney, Plano, Allen, Frisco, Carrollton, Lewisville and Dallas areas.

All content provided on this blog is for informational purposes only. It is not intended to diagnose or treat any condition, does not create a client-therapist relationship, and is not a substitute for care by a trained professional. The owner of this blog makes no representations as to the accuracy or completeness of any information on this site or found by following any link on this site. The owner will not be liable for any errors, omissions, losses, injuries, or damages from the display or use of this information.

Journal entry 9/10/12 6:45AM


Journal entry 9/10/12 6:45AM


When she gets up, I get up because my mind won’t stop going (obsessing, PTSD) like a movie on replay. I, even in my own body, am triggered and flooded with flashbacks of things – earlier times, trauma, etc., where I trusted her, like my father trusted my unstable mother and she failed to meet his needs and live up to her own expectations (she was out sleeping with other men).

The traumatic cycle is no fun, and it will keep you up at night, and can keep you from falling back asleep… It’s insanity – the PTSD (Post-traumatic stress disorder), like when a war victim arises in a dead sleep in the middle of the night unable to go back to sleep, flooded with fear… this is how I feel.

Every time she gets up in the morning, I feel defeated by my own thoughts, which at this point, I can’t seem to turn off. I am not “crazy,” as my sick mother likes to project onto me, in my obsessing (flashbacks), I am traumatized.

 

What’s worse is nothing numbs the pain, and I just long for a “normal” lifestyle. I just want to live a normal lifestyle and not hurt all the time.

Every time she acts out, it just adds another layer to the cake. I have debated, when the pain gets bad enough, as a direct result of her selfish, cruel, impulsive, calculated actions, finding someone new, and while I may have tried this in the past, leaving my partner, it never worked, and I’d always come crawling back out of guilt (shame) and missing them… probably out of some false sense of security, but it (the pain, panic, longing, etc.) was nevertheless that real in that moment, beyond what you can truly imagine, beyond your wildness dreams.

I actually missed the very thing I walked away from so much that I caved and went right back to it.  It’s a never-ending cycle and hard to get away from. I actually had withdrawal when I left the last time and moved 8 hours away on my own. I moved back to the town where we had first met because that was the town I fell in love with and where I had lived before, and was having withdraw from just being there without her.

It didn’t get any easier because I didn’t have any support, because I’d pushed away (alienated) all of my support by constantly talking about our problems, ie: her acting out (cheating, raging, lying, porn, fantasy, lust, etc).  My friends dwindled throughout the sickness, and I felt myself further isolated.

Still, it’s hard for people to understand the effects of living with someone who’s sick unless they’ve been there themselves, and let me assure you, they haven’t.

Most people can’t understand why you’re in a relationship like this, even if you grew up with it, because they think you’re an “adult,” and don’t understand the dynamics of it.  You can just walk away like it’s a piece of cake.

It’s been my experience that many people act like it’s an “easy” solution and it’s not that easy when you’re in it. Then, you’re bound/prone to repeat the abusive/painful cycle with someone new without even realizing it.

Developing awareness can help, but it isn’t a safeguard, which is important when you’re suffering with PTSD, because all you want is to feel safe, in our case, emotionally; sometimes, physically, and the more “relationships” you’re in like this, the more cynical (distrusting) you become.

It’s also hard because when you finally get therapy, therapist’s because therapist’s generally overlook the fact that you have PTSD because you aren’t some typical classic war victim – shot in both legs and physically disabled, equally invalidating and counterproductive to healing.

Speaking of “invalidating,” I think many of us with PTSD, whether it’s a result of childhood abuse, a single traumatic incident, or relational trauma, need to be validated, because emotional support is crucial.

Either way, it should not be overlooked and a proper diagnosis of PTSD given and an appropriate treatment plan. Because you’re out of your mind if you think you’re going to get out of this alive, and on your own.

 

CHRONIC ILLNESS SUFFERS, IE FIBROMYALGIA, CHRONIC FATIGUE, AUTO-IMMUNE, ETC., THERE IS HOPE!


Please read this article:

http://www.growyouthful.com/remedy/iodine.php

Quite simply, you might have an iodine deficiency.

Even MORE important patients… YOUR BODY IS NOT ABSORBING NUTRIENTS AND VITAMINS BECAUSE OF GLUTEN (IE, WHEAT!). YOU MUST ELIMINATE IT 100% ENTIRELY.  Listen closely, 100% ENTIRELY.

READ:

“Even worse, the immune response to gluten can last up to 6 months each time you eat it. This explains why it is critical to eliminate gluten completely from your diet if you have fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, lyme disease, celiac, and any other auto-immune disease. There’s no “80/20″ rule when it comes to gluten. Being “mostly” gluten-free isn’t going to cut it. If you’re gluten intolerant, you have to be 100% gluten-free to prevent immune destruction of your thyroid.” -Field expert

Concerned patient,

If you cut out gluten ENTIRELY you will be able to absorb ALL of the vitamins and nutrients you body needs in 1 year.  Please please please, if you listen to anything I say, listen to this.  You need do some serious research and cut out ANYTHING with wheat.  I can send you a list if you want, but the ONLY way you will correct your illnesses is to ELIMINATE GLUTEN ENTIRELY.

Checkout my Facebook, youtube, and blog for info.  TRUST ME!  Start now, don’t wait until it is too late.  It must be 100% or it will NOT work.  Your life WILL CHANGE!

Symptoms of iodine deficiency

  • Severe deficiency of the essential trace element iodine causes goitre – a swelling of the thyroid gland. Long-term deficiency causes cretinism – stunted growth, mental retardation and many other health problems. The introduction of iodised salt in the early 1900s, and the addition of iodine compounds to other foodstuffs such as flour and milk has reduced the incidence of severe iodine deficiency (goitre) in many affluent countries. However, few people get enough iodine for optimal or even good health. Goitre-producing iodine deficiency is still a problem in many parts of the world, particularly in poorer nations and places where there is little iodine in the local food
  • Fibromyalgia. This is the classic ailment presenting a variety of the symptoms listed below, and caused primarily by an excess of fluorides and other goitrogens in the body

2 things patients… you need to CUT OUT ALL GLUTEN (WHEAT AND WHEAT-CONTAINING PRODUCTS 100%) AND “GOITROGEN” FOODS.

DO NOT EAT:

1. Broccoli
2. Brussels Sprouts
3. Cabbage
4. Cauliflower
5. Kale
7. Peaches
8. Peanuts
9. Radishes
10. Soy-Based Foods
11. Spinach
12. Strawberries

I had someone tell me this YEARS ago, and I did not listen, and I became really sick!  PLEASE DON’T MAKE THIS MISTAKE!  Please listen to me and do as I am suggesting,  because I want to see you HEALTHY!  You have been sick, too, and you CAN RECLAIM YOUR HEALTH!  TRUST ME ON THIS!!!

YOU MUST BE SERIOUS ABOUT THIS LIKE YOU ARE YOUR BIBLE STUDY AND YOU WILL GET HEALTHY AND BE HEALTHIER THAN YOU WERE BEFORE AND FEEL BETTER THAN EVER BEFORE!  MARK MY WORD!  I have been watching videos of women in their 80’s, even 100 years in age and are healthier than EVER before by following just a simple few FOOD TIPS!  Checkout this lady:

INCREDIBLE!  RESILIENT!  COURAGEOUS!