January 27th, 2011. Last night’s “dream…” Erin’s “class.”

I had a dream last night that I initially wanted to say was “disturbing,” but reality-wise, it was unsettling.  When I think of “disturbing,” I think of something dark, scary, and threatening to one’s sense of safety… my dream was not like this, but it was dis-settling and shocking.

My dream last night:

In my dream, Erin and I were both teaching.  It turned out that I couldn’t teach for the day– my class was canceled for some reason, and so I went to Erin’s “class” and a bunch of people- men and women of all ages were there and were coming in.  We were all sitting in a circle-like fashion.  Erin was sitting to the left of me.  All of a sudden someone stood up and announced, “This is a lesbian lovers ACA-something (I think “lovers/singles” but am not positive) meeting!”  I was upset because it had shocked me that Erin was not really teaching a “class” and instead was hosting a lesbian meeting!  I was also upset because I thought that all people of all ages/sex should be allowed to come and that the men, which may have been trans-gender, etc. should be allowed to stay.

I looked to my left shortly after this announcement was made, and Erin had disappeared.  I remember texting her a few times and calling her, and I kept getting her voicemail… I then remember going to my right and going just killing time and looking/waiting for her.  I thought that maybe she had just gone to the bathroom or to take care of something.

The dream soon switched to an outdoors scene/arena, but right beforehand, I recall looking at my cell phone, which was a new “Blackberry” but looked nothing like my new one, –the letters on a couple of the keys on the left-side of the phone were red and green had completely faded right in front of my eyes to where I could not see what I was texting.  Since the phone was new,  I was unable to text, and I had no way of getting a hold of Erin.

The “class” then switched to an outdoors scene, and there was snow and ice (like the weather outside right now, literally).  I was thrown into this outdoor seating area of lesbians… the size of a hug lecture hall; there were maybe 200-300 lesbians, and they were still arriving!  Erin was now “Sarah.”  In other words, Erin was still Erin, and I was looking for Erin physically, but her name had switched to “Sarah,” my ex.  I was looking all over now amongst hundreds of people for Erin and could not spot her.  I was sure now that she had ran off with someone…

The next thing I knew, I was on this sled which was fueled by gasoline because I was able to drive it like a car.  It was a small sled-like car.  Everyone had to introduce themselves to everyone there, and it was my turn.  I remember grabbing the sled-car’s steering wheel with my left hand and cruising around all fast and sort of showing off because I was driving with only one hand like I used to when I was 16, but I had one mission, and that was to find Erin.  So I was “introducing” myself to people, but I was not really “there” –I was on ‘automaton,’ because in the back of my mind, I was looking for Erin.  I think that Erin had turned into “Sarah” in the dream because of the similarities between the two of them… the whole sneaky curious thing….

At any rate, it broke my heart.  There was a song playing in the dream called “The sound of goodbye” by Armin Van Buren.  The lyrics are very short, and are as follows:

“Every face I see
Is cold as ice
Everything i touch is pale
Ever since i lost imagination
Like a stream that flows into the sea
I am lost for all eternity
Ever since you took your love away from me
Some times the sound of goodbye
Is louder than any drumbeat

The lyric that I kept hearing in the dream that I heard loudly, that stood out from the rest of the song, I’ve bolded.  I think I was devastated at what happened.

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