I feel like I am a few years behind because I am looking at bicycles and scooters! The reality is, when you move out east, ie: New England, major city, etc. things are different, and so although I feel a few years behind that may actually not be the case because things are just different in the city and this part of the globe. So yeah, in one way, just because of my upbringing in the Midwest I feel younger, but at the same time I also feel older because things are just different here, and I am intrigued by the differences!
For example, in Burlington, Vermont everyone rides long boards, skateboards, uses their car — ALL Honda’s, Toyota’s, and Volvo’s, and bicycles, and most of the bicycles are the old classic vintage bicycles. In the Midwest where I grew up everyone has a car and roller blades. In Philly everyone has cars and bicycles. I haven’t seen too many scooters here although I am sure they exist because this is a city and there’s a little bit of everything.
At any rate, I think I am liking the differences, and honestly, it does in many ways feel as though I am “starting over,” and my Midwest roots definitely have an effect on me because I feel as though I’m young and am having (learning) to re-make it in the world. The disadvantage is that I have been sick (w/lyme, under and misdiagnosed) for 4 years, so I have lost 4 years of my life… so in many ways, I am starting over again…
I dream of feeling better. I cannot tell you how long it’s been since I’ve felt well. My symptoms (see earlier entries) are horrible and make it impossible for me to live and enjoy my life. I have not been able to work due to my illness and its horrendous effects. Chronic Fatigue Syndrome is one thing, and it’s very real, and that’s bad enough, but try having lyme on top of that! Some say the CFS will go away once the lyme is treated, but it could take years. So as if it’s not already bad that I’ve lost 4 years of my life, I may lose another few just in treatment…
At any rate, I cannot wait to feel well again and re-integrate myself with society and life. I have been “down” and “out” for too long and am realizing this is a huge bummer because the 20’s are an optimal part of life, and I have missed valuable opportunities, ie: travel, etc. If there is one thing I have learned through being sick it’s that life is truly precious. I feel like because I am “behind,” be it due to domestic and family violence or sickness, or quite simply, a combination of the two, I will have a “youthful” quality to me, which could be a good thing. For instance, I have always loved working for managers, ie: sales, that are older but young-spirited. Some people really like that.
I love vitality. I love energy. Zest. I don’t think that people should stop living, having fun, dreaming, etc. just because they get old. I would like to retain my “youthfullness” as long as I can. If that means taking vitamins, exercising (when I am healthier), etc. then I will do it to the best of my ability so that I can retain some life-jevity! I love life.
Today it’s chilly outside and Erin and I are going to go to the local Organic food-store to purchase some stuff. I have a special diet I have to follow now because of my lyme, and I have to eat as much organic food as I can. I am going to see if they sell organic, gluten-free, low-carb bread. There may be a chance that I can’t have any bread at all… I need to do more research and find out. Afterwords we are going to take a peak at the local bike shop, as I want a bicycle. I am not buying it today, but just keeping my eye open. I am interested in a “Schwinn Varsity” like the ones pictured below: