April 30th, 2011. An example of drama. What ever happened to simplicity, or rather, compassion, understanding, and responsibility? Balance is non-existant. Rigid thinking and households.


An example of drama… Note:  I hate drama.

Person A lives in this house with person B who has a dog.  Person B works all day (9:30 a.m. – 8:15pm) and leaves dog with person A.  There is not a formal agreement between person A and B regarding the care of the dog.  Person B (his/her philosophy is the following) would keep dog in cage all day (they do not see a problem with it) but the responsibility so-to-speak (informal/unspoken “agreement”) falls on person A to keep the dog out of the cage and to care for the dog, ie: watch, let out to use the bathroom, etc.  Why?  Because:  Person A does not agree with keeping the dog caged for 11 hours and has sort of “agreed” (informal/unspoken) to take care of the dog so the dog doesn’t have to be caged.  Basically the responsibility has fallen back on person A because person A is concerned for the dog’s welfare.

Issue:  Value conflict — Person A does not believe in caging an animal; Person B sees no problem with it.  Note:  There may be gray area —

One day person A was going to leave the house to actually meet up with person B and forgot to put the dog in its cage before he/she left.  Both people came home later that evening to see the dog has chewed the remote control to the tv — who’s fault is it?  Is it person A who forgot to put the dog in the cage, or does it fall back on person B because they’re the dog owner and owning a dog comes with a responsibility.  Note/Remember:  Person A is not formally “hired,” or in any way responsible for the dog.  Furthermore, even if they were, ie: formally hired, etc. and they made a mistake, is it accept to react and blow up?  See below.

Person B yelled at person A the following day in front of company!  A and B had company over and person B discovered that the remote did not work and started yelling at A. The yelling went on for 20 minutes until the company walked out the door.  Person B rationalized it (person A’s observation) because the guest was “family,” ie: a cousin.  Nevertheless, person B — a day later, started yelling at person A once he/she discovered the remote was not only chewed, but it no longer worked.

Person A was confused and embarrassed that person B would yell at her in front of someone, much less yell at her at all because accidents happen.  Furthermore, person A is not responsible for the dog.  Person A stated to person B: “Accidents happen,” and also felt person B, as a dog owner comes a responsibility, ie: if the dog chews something, it is the owners responsibility to pay for it.

*Even if there was a formal agreement between person A and B regarding the care of the dog, if a mistake happened, it would be unrealistic to make person A pay for the mistake!  (Person B was wanting person A to pay for the mistake and was yelling).  Why?  Because mistakes happen and “perfection” does not exist.  It is unrealistic (unrealistic expectations) to think that because one forgot something, had an accident, etc. made a mistake in such a context that they should have to pay for it.  Be mindful also that person A is not responsible for this dog — there is not an agreement period.

Person B (third component) is worried (feels more pressure) because person B’s father is going to yell at him/her.  Person B believe they will have to “take the heat” (quote) themselves.  Person A affirmed the father may (likely, “the past is a predictor for the future”) yell, yes, but there isn’t anything either of us can do about his reaction.  The reaction of the father cannot be controlled.  Person B continued to go on and on about the anticipating reaction from the father.  There was much fear.  Person A believed the fear fueled the anger in person B but that’s irrelevant.  Person A was getting shot down (ie, with words, temper, unreasonable expectations, etc) because of person B’s fear and inability to see the situation clearly.

So you have person A, B, and now C added to the mix.  Person A sees things this way:

If a dog should enter a premise — any premise, then it is the responsibility of its owner to take full responsibility for the dog, ie: paying for damages, etc. that might occur as a result of the dog’s actions.

If a maid was hired to take care of the dog and the made forgot to do something by accident and the dog had an accident, ie: chewing the remote, the maid would not be expected to pay for the remote.  Accidents happen.  Flexibility and understanding are a must when you are a pet owner.  It is and can be expected that things will happen when you own a pet!  Person C (The father) gets livid and yells and curses and threatens when things happen — normal things, ie: accidents, chews, etc.  Person C should not have agreed to allow person B to have a dog if it was going to be a problem, or rather, Person C should respect the fact that person B is paying rent and is his/her own separate person and should not be yelling at person B at all.

There is too much enmeshment and unhealthyness in this situation.  Lets keep it (this drama) real simple:

If a dog should enter a premise — any premise, then it is the responsibility of its owner to take full responsibility for the dog, ie: paying for damages, etc. that might occur as a result of the dog’s actions.

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One comment on “April 30th, 2011. An example of drama. What ever happened to simplicity, or rather, compassion, understanding, and responsibility? Balance is non-existant. Rigid thinking and households.

  1. islandeyes says:

    or they (A and B) could share the cost, assuming that A isn’t a maid and therefore cannot be fired or experience any other consequences for A’s fault other than being shouted and psychological punishment. and B should train the dog better – well trained dogs don’t chew on remote controls (from experience). and C should stay out of it anyway.
    life is not that simple. and sometimes it is easier to meet half way and compromise for the sake of peace and healthiness. just a thought or two – and please note, i hate drama as well, though sometimes i am a perfect drama queen ;)
    ps: loved to read your post. hope everything clears up soon.

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