I have anxiety so bad tonight the only thing I can seem to do to remotely quell it is write… I have not had anxiety this bad in a very long time. I have a lot on my mind and am off schedule. I have been sick (I went picking without a jacket not realizing it would be so cold out on the state highway) and haven’t been getting proper sleep due to overworking myself to exhaustion.
I am bothered by so much right now and feeling a lot of different emotions. It’s also close to that time of the month, which affects a lot lol Anyway, I am bothered and concerned and just want to drive around or something. I don’t want to be here… my apartment is not soothing right now due to the massive amount of inventory in it that needs to be cataloged and moved to storage.
I am listening to trance music right now with a heavy beat; it seems to help relax me… the silence just gives me more anxiety. I can’t seem to do anything that will quell my mind or relax my body. I can’t even sleep right now if I wanted to and it’s past 2. I would lie awake with anxiety.
Maybe we should go on a drive. I know it’s late, but I’m feeling emotional. I am sad because I don’t know what’s going on with those closest to me. I want to be close to them and they all seem to be self-absorbed.
I would like to further simplify my life. This seems like a process for me, and I’m doing it constantly. I don’t want or need a lot and I am happiest when I have little, but have a rich internal life. I want to strengthen the mind-body-soul connection.
I may write again soon seeing as how it’s about the only outlet I have right now. Stay tuned.