So I am not sure whether to be angry or happy for Ashley. I know that sounds horrible, but I am a bit shocked and mortified to see that her profile picture on facebook is now of her and a guy. She’s been dating this guy for a while, at least for a few months, and it’s petty clear. Worst of all, the guy dresses like me. Literally, when I saw their pic yesterday as Ashley’s main profile pic, I had on the exact same shirt on as the guy, no exaggeration! …a button up long sleeve shirt, with a white T underneath.
To make matters worse, when I clicked on his profile to find out a little more about who the magical guy is, there are pictures of them at OUR place! …literally, “OUR” place – Mudlavia! wtf? Okay. You know, she calls me a year ago and tells me how she met this other guy “just like me,” etc… I mean, “just” like and goes on and on obsessively, and how we’re “soooo similar,” and she “can’t get ‘over,’ it.” Riiiight.
I am angry, and I am not going to worry about it much anymore. If that’s the lifestyle she’s going to choose to lead, then she can lead it. I don’t differeniate gender or let it confime me. Erin brought up the fact that maybe she hasn’t told this guy that she’s been with woman… who knows… I doubt that, because Ashley is very open about everything, but who knows. At any rate, I don’t define myself according to predisposited “gender” roles.
There really isn’t much else I can say other than the sickness in my stomach has gone away, and I literally feel angry and likely very shocked at what I see. It is what it is… I haven’t felt this way in a while; I think the last time I felt like this was when Ashley was with Crystal, and I regretted having screwed up with her.
I have changed, 100%. I know that I can make her happy. I know that we can make each other happy – that is the furthest thing from her mind though, and I have to and will respect that. I am honestly about to just try to “drop” all of this… I am so tired of it. I am hurt and turned off right now.
I think I am going to get ready and go for a bike ride on my new fixie. I want to get my body in shape and build it strong. I want to live a long life. I have dreams and goals I have set for myself, and I plan to reach them.