On an errand Erin and I were making last night, while driving, and passing between some not-so-good neighborhoods, at night with only street-lights to light the way, I for some reason thought of Ashley. She crossed my mind, and I thought to myself, or rather felt — perhaps both, “I would be okay living in this ghetto (if I had to) as long as I had someone to love, someone who I knew cared, someone to compliment me, someone who shares my spirit, ie: Ashley.” Obviously, literally-speaking I do not want to live in a ghetto and never would, but I guess my point was that I could if I was happy in love. I could work every day of my life and just live for that… to go home to the woman I cherish.
I can’t describe the warmth I felt in my momentary “imagination,” driving in the dark after a huge fight with Erin where she’s calling me names — every name in the book. I cannot help but imagine the warmth, the care, concern, and support. I would die twice to have a woman who loved me, who was supportive of my interests, who’s respectful of me, and who shows the time.
You know, I told myself yesterday that I will be okay being with Erin, or someone like Erin, who does not have all of the same interests as me. That’s what friends are for, right? Hopefully I am not in denial by saying that. It is not always that I have clarity. In Vermont I had clarity 90% of the time, but here in the city I simply cannot hear the call. I am not grounded here and find it very hard to really sit still and listen.
I am trying to figure out what it is that I want to do work-wise in addition to coaching. I need to do something more because working solo isn’t cutting it for me. I would like to work for and with a business to help move things and get the ball rolling… I am interested in knowing what the vision and mission is and realigning things to meet it. I would like to be able to try out and experiment with different approaches to “make it happen.” I am interested in improving. I would like to work with the structure — to improve it and its efficiency and work directly with its people to train, educate, reward, etc. I am a systems — both persons and people person! I am wondering if business development may be of interest to me.
I am talking with an individual today at 1PM who knows all about this stuff and he’s going to give me some pointers — he is also a life coach and pretty credible. I too need to somehow establish some credibility — someway, somehow.