April 17th, 2012 Ashley and her new lifestyle


So I am not sure whether to be angry or happy for Ashley.  I know that sounds horrible, but I am a bit shocked and mortified to see that her profile picture on facebook is now of her and a guy.  She’s been dating this guy for a while, at least for a few months, and it’s petty clear.  Worst of all, the guy dresses like me.  Literally, when I saw their pic yesterday as Ashley’s main profile pic, I had on the exact same shirt on as the guy, no exaggeration!  …a button up long sleeve shirt, with a white T underneath.

To make matters worse, when I clicked on his profile to find out a little more about who the magical guy is, there are pictures of them at OUR place!  …literally, “OUR” place – Mudlavia!  wtf?  Okay.  You know, she calls me a year ago and tells me how she met this other guy “just like me,” etc… I mean, “just” like and goes on and on obsessively, and how we’re “soooo similar,” and she “can’t get ‘over,’ it.”  Riiiight.

I am angry, and I am not going to worry about it much anymore.  If that’s the lifestyle she’s going to choose to lead, then she can lead it.  I don’t differeniate gender or let it confime me.  Erin brought up the fact that maybe she hasn’t told this guy that she’s been with woman… who knows… I doubt that, because Ashley is very open about everything, but who knows.  At any rate, I don’t define myself according to predisposited “gender” roles.

There really isn’t much else I can say other than the sickness in my stomach has gone away, and I literally feel angry and likely very shocked at what I see.  It is what it is… I haven’t felt this way in a while; I think the last time I felt like this was when Ashley was with Crystal, and I regretted having screwed up with her.

I have changed, 100%.  I know that I can make her happy.  I know that we can make each other happy – that is the furthest thing from her mind though, and I have to and will respect that.  I am honestly about to just try to “drop” all of this… I am so tired of it.  I am hurt and turned off right now. 

I think I am going to get ready and go for a bike ride on my new fixie.  I want to get my body in shape and build it strong.  I want to live a long life.  I have dreams and goals I have set for myself, and I plan to reach them.

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March 9th, 2011. LYME DISEASE TREATMENT DENIED.


MY FAMILY, SPECIFICALLY JUDY L. DOWNHAM MY SO-CALLED “MOTHER” HAS DENIED TO HELP ME WITH MY LYME DISEASE. I AM OUT OF MONEY AND CANNOT AFFORD TREATMENT. MY FAMILY, BOTH ADOPTIVE AND BIOLOGICAL, IS VERY WEALTHY AND HAVE THEIR OWN WELL-ESTABLISHED BUSINESSES AND NEITHER WILL HELP ME. I AM DESPERATE AND IN NEED OF TREATMENT. TREATMENT COSTS THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS AND THEY WILL NOT EVEN HELP WITH STARTUP COSTS. I AM BROKE.

MY MOTHER TALKED TO MY SISTER AND MY SISTER AND MOTHER DECIDED MY LYME TREATMENT IS NOT NECESSARY.  I BEG THEIR PARDON?  I HAVE BEEN SICK FOR OVER 3 YEARS AND HAVE SPENT OVER $3,000 OUT OF MY POCKET WITH INSURANCE!  MY INSURANCE HAS ENDED, AND I AM IN DESPERATE NEED OF TREATMENT.  TO SEE AN LLMD (LYME LITERATE MD) FIRST SESSION ALONE COSTS BETWEEN $600-1100.00, ON AVERAGE $900.00.  IF YOU DO NOT BELIEVE ME THEN PLEASE CALL THESE OFFICES AND JUST ASK HOW MUCH THE INITIAL LYME SESSION IS:

(212) 799-1121 Dr. HOROWITZ.
(610) 869- 0270 Dr. CORSON.
(212) 799-1121 Dr. RAXIEN.

THE LIST GOES ON.  ASK THESE DOCTORS HOW MUCH TREATMENT COSTS!  THESE ARE LLMD’S (LYME LITERATE MD’s).

MY STEP-FATHER, A COMPASSIONATE AND WILLING MAN WAS WILLING TO HELP ME UNTIL MY SISTER AND MY MOTHER DISCOURAGED HIM.  THIS HAS BEEN THE CASE WITH MY FAMILY FOR YEARS  — THEY HAVE CUT ME OFF.

THEY HAVE NEVER CONSIDERED ME “THEIR OWN.” I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN SEPARATE AND NEVER TREATED LIKE FAMILY.  I HAVE BEEN CONSTANTLY COMPARED AND UNDERCUT BY MY COLD MOTHER AND THIS JUST GOES TO PROVE IT!  NO “PARENT” or “FAMILY” would DENY their CHILD of NECESSARY MEDICAL TREATMENT!