April 29th, 2011. Career expansion-growth.


I would like to work with an organization to help 1. Optimize the organization (ie, it’s structure/order), and I would like to 2. Work directly with its people, using my skills and abilities to help individuals develop their potential…

I seek to work with an agency in helping the agency carry out its mission, values, and vision to the fullest, mobilizing resources, creating energy, and movement

I am interested in work that entails the following:

Staff trainings, team development, facilitating events, leading workshops, educating and training, facilitating personal growth, leading discussions, creating PowerPoint presentations for learning purposes,  enlisting participants feedback, raising awareness, advocating, central role in events/planning, part of a committee board, revising job duties/descriptions, able to revise/updating agency’s website, blog, twitter, and Facebook/calendar, able to create/revise organizational chart, create/develop resource guides & handbooks.

Ideal work environment: -Structured w/clear organizational chart -Ample opportunities for growth and advancement -Ample opportunities for leadership/staff development -Strong focus on personal growth (abundant travel/training opportunities) -Competitive salary w/excellent benefits -Regular staff/board/committee meetings  -Ability to work independently as well as be a part of a strong team -Work with value-minded colleagues… same mission/purpose  

Nature of ideal work…

-Nature of work involves creative, innovative problem-solving -Be able to effect change and policy -Help other employees identify their strengths and weaknesses -Help other employees identify and overcome barriers and challenges -Demonstrate and encourage leadership skills

Ideal job summary (essay): My ideal work environment would have clear guidelines and clear organization.  The environment would allow for creative problem solving and implementation.  *It is crucial that within this structured environment, there are ample opportunities for creativity, innovation, and growth/advancement. The organization would offer a competitive salary with good benefits.  The environment would consist of value/mission-driven colleagues who are passionate and committed to maintaining high levels of personal and professional integrity.

There would be minimal supervision (autonomy/freedom would be valued) but a strong focus on the team and team development.  Ample opportunities for staff development/growth, and learning would be offered. Summary of work: I need work that allows me to be innovative/develop and that’s challenging.  I greatly enjoy overcoming obstacles and barriers.  I also benefit/need a great deal of autonomy (freedom/independence) but to be a part of a strong team with a strong mission.  I would also like to be a part of council or board (committee) meetings where changes can be brainstormed and further improved.

NOT ideal work environment:

-Lack of opportunities for growth and learning -Minimal opportunities for creative problem solving -Heavy supervision (I need freedom/autonomy –minimal supervision)

The organization should be organized (external environment, as well as structurally) and things should be efficient.  Employees should be competent.  I am an idea person, and so I would like to be able to make suggestions and have those suggestions heard and taken seriously (ie, implemented).  I would love to be able to implement those changes myself eventually.  Constant growth, learning, and challenge is essential.  The worst thing is to be working a job that is not rewarding and not challenging, ie: stagnant (ie, conventional).  I would not thrive in an organization that is not open to change and constant growth/development.  I especially thrive in new agencies where programs and curriculum are being developed and there’s ample room for ideas/feedback.

In terms of work, I value:  Organization, Efficiency, Growth/Learning Opportunities, Competent Staff, Challenge, Competitive benefits.

Type of organization I am interested in working for:

Help develop leadership skills, help individuals articulate their needs and ideas, responsible for creating social and environmental change, building relationships, workshops and training sessions, planning and implementing, identifying and researching better methods, organize, carry out, projects, skill-building trainings, develop workshops, planning and implantation, project-based learning, community development, coaching/mentoring central role.

Example of a place I might work at:  Our mission is to empower, organize, individuals to become leaders, critical thinkers, develop knowledge and skills.

MY SKILLS & STRENGTHS:

  • Excellent leader with vision, self-motivated, organized
  • Self-aware, Intelligent, value-driven, resourceful
  • Excellent verbal and written communication skills
  • Passion and drive to excel, critical thinker
  • Strong research and presentation skills,
  • Wpm 90, PC/MAC, MS Office Pro, willing to travel

I value:  Respect, discipline, teamwork, leadership, growth and expansion,

Personal Areas/Fields of interest:

Organizational Development Professional Development Leadership Development Project management/Project leaders­hip, Executive coaching, Consulting, Human Resources Partner

March 21st, 2011. My birthday. Prayer to be well.


Today is my birthday, and I am not sure what to think about it.  As I have mentioned before, and will mention again, I just pray that God will remove the root of what’s causing this.  I want to heal from this chronic lyme disease and anything else that I might have going on.

This is what I have battled for the past 4 years:

-Ear pain (constant, dull, aching, daily)
-Extreme dry mouth (cotton mouth, and it doesn’t matter how much water I drink)
-Enlarged neck/throat (lymph) glands
-Lump in throat sensation (It will randomly feel like I have a golf ball in my throat)
-Headache/Migraines
-Neck/shoulder pain (I will often wake up with EXTREME stiffness in my entire body, and sometimes, randomly my neck/shoulders will just burn)
-Buzzing in ears (I get tinnitus)
-Tinging in hands/feet/face (I was even checked for MS -Multiple Sclerosis because of this — this random “tingling”)
-Night Sweats (Part of Babesia — Tick’s co-infection)
-Hot and Cold flashes (Erin and I actually joked that I was going through “menopause” early when this started happening, and I really began wondering this.  It was the most peculiar thing ever)
-Mouth sores (I get little canker sores — clear bubbles in my mouth at random times — usually a single or couple bubbles typically behind my front lip)
-Fatigue (Extreme, and every day)
-Joint pain (I often get joint pain in my hands and fingers.  I actually thought I had arthritis at one point, but X-rays showed it to be negative for arthritis.  Lyme causes “Arthritic myalgia”)
-Yellow-ish (light), “tired” eyes (My eyes have lost their “vitality” I have described)
-Dry skin and hair  (My hair feels like straw/hay now)
-Hair loss (Every time I take a shower, more and more hair falls out)
-Extreme sensitivity to heat and cold (When others are warm, I am uncomfortably hot, and when others are comfortable, I am incredibly cold)
-Brittle nails (they no longer grow)
-Dry eyes and tear-ducts (My eye doctor said that my tear ducts dry up every “2 seconds” and they’re only supposed to dry up every “13″ seconds)
-Foul-smelling boogers (Sounds strange, I know, but this is definitely something I have noticed that started very early on when I became sick.  I imagine there is some bacteria up there, specifically lyme-causing bacteria)
-Increased ear-wax (Again, something trivial, but I have noticed)
-Dizziness/nausea — “off balance” feeling
-Weight gain (I gained 15 lbs in a short span of months around March 2010)
-Weight loss (Since Jan I have dropped 10-15 lbs.  I am now between 118-120 lbs).
-Frequent and slow healing infections (I get infections constantly, especially in my fingers when I try and bite my nails, and they take days to heal.  I am beginning to wonder if I am developing an immunity towards the Neosporin I have been using)
-Increasing depression, anxiety, and insomnia
-Vision difficulties (My vision has changed — things are blurry now, my eyesight has worsened, and I have developed a very small astigmatism)
-Weakness in limbs (There have been a couple of times where I was so weak I could not even get up, and I thought I might have to be admitted to the ER)
-Hands, feet, nose ice cold randomly (often)
-Unusual abdominal cramping (Out of nowhere I will get pain in my abdominal region; I will also get menstrual cramping randomly when I am not on my period)
-Random rashes (Most recent being March 17th after drinking a freshly squeezed homemade juice drink that I have had before.  Within a few minutes of drinking the drink my tongue slightly swelled up, and I ended up getting a random, unusual shaped, red, slightly raised rash on my left knee cap which did not subside with Benedryl “quick strip.”  The rash remained on my leg for 3 solid days).
-Food sensitives (I have developed a food sensitivity to blackberries and some soy-made products)

Me when I had the most vitality ever:

 

 

 

(Below)  Right before I was infected with Borrelia…

After being infected with Borrelia:

Please pray for me on my birthday, for renewed health, vitality, and productivity.

March 19th, 2011. May the fate prevail -step-by-step.


I met up today with Albert after he got off work and we talked about our lives and updated each other.  He told me about his son and vented his troubles, hopes, fears, etc. he’s been having with him, and I told him about how my mother talked my step-father out of helping me financially with my treatment for lyme disease and how my biological father insists I help myself because he claims to not have the extra money right now; mind you, he is paying megabucks for an overseas dating service and flying all over the world looking for a new, young, bright, wife in his new, hot convertible.

Albert and I concluded that I am pretty much on my own, and it’s a shame.  It honestly is really sad.  He said that there’s something seriously wrong with my “family,” but then again, we have known this.  He also said he feels this may be part of the reason Erin is taking advantage of me.  He said (he is from another country) that when men realize their wife is on their own and that their family does not support them, they look down on them and start taking advantage of them.  I told him that it should be the opposite of that, and that if the family does not support the partner, the partner should be mindful of that.  At any rate, that is not the case.

With that being said, I am in a dependent situation due to my poor health, and am not receiving any support from all directions.  I have fortunately thought up a plan, and I am going to try my hardest to stick to it.  It goes like this:

1.  Treatment
2.  Job
3.  Home
4.  Support
5.  Vision

Basically my treatment recovery comes first before all else.  I need to get myself back to a place where I can be able to work again and be productive so that I can eventually get out on my own, in an area (community) that I can be proud of, ie: Burlington, North Carolina, California, etc.  Likely Burlington or North Carolina.  I have never lived in North Carolina, but if it’s anything like Vermont I think I would be happy there.  I love trees and mountains and liberalism.

At any rate, then will come the vision, which I believe as long as I take all of the right steps in the right direction, will fulfill itself.  I will be happy — in my family and career.  I will be in a place of optimal productivity — this is the plan.  I fully believe in this plan and do not see there being a problem as long as I take the necessary steps that I need to to get better.

I wanted to share these 3 videos, in this order, because they just came to mind:



I have never really experienced love.  It is just a concept.  It is sad that I do not have a family that I can reach out to — that both sides of my family have basically left me estranged.  There must be a lesson in all of this because sometimes the tragedy is such an atrocity that shakes me at my very core that it doesn’t even seem worth living.  It’s a hard “pill to swallow.”  I have thus turned to friends as “family” and unfortunately many of the “friends” I have chosen have taken advantage of me and partners unfit to be partners.

What this all comes down to for me is self-respect.  I will have to do it on my own and see what I am made of.  I believe this is character-building.  I am being shaped, and there is a lesson to learn.  I am strong, and I am also compassionate.  I am outspoken and have a strength and tenacity that is rare.  I am strong and vulnerable at the same time.  I am capable.  I am a survivor and will excel and succeed in my own right.  I will set-forth standards for myself and follow them.  Ashley was right when she said, “Emily your core issue that you can do it alone..but don’t believe that you can.”

“Life Of My Own” by 3 Doors Down.

Living risky,
never scared, wander
Closer to the edge
Nothing valued think no fear,
Always wondering why you’re here
All your purposes are gone, nothing’s
Right and nothing’s wrong
Nothing ventured, nothing gained
Feel no sorrow, feel no pain
Kiss me while I’m still alive
Kill me while I kiss the sky
Let me die on my own terms,
Let me live and let me learn
Now I’ll follow my own way, and I’ll
Live on to another damn day
Freedom carries sacrifice,
Remember when this was my life
Looking forward, not behind
Everybody’s got to cross that line
Free me now to give me a place,
Keep me caged and free the beast
Falling faster, time goes by,
Fear is not seen through these eyes
What there was will never be,
Now I’m blind and cannot see
Kiss me while I’m still alive
Kill me while I kiss the sky
Let me die on my own terms, let me
Live and let me learn
Now I’ll follow my own way, and I’ll
Live on to another damn day
Freedom carries sacrifice,
Remember when this was my life
Kiss me while I’m still alive
Kill me while I kiss the sky
Let me die on my own terms, let me
Live and let me learn
Now I’ll follow my own way,
And I’ll live on to another damn day
Freedom carries sacrifice,
Remember when this was my life.

The – my vision is what will carry me.  In this “sink or swim” world, I will swim.  “They’ll have to beat it out of me,” I think to myself.  I will surrender only to one thing – God.  I will submit only to God and under “good orderly” direction, those trusted – far few and in-between.  The human spirit is resilient.

I have never had a family, and it is that very thing that motivates me.  I am like a star too hard to follow.  I will chart my own path and leave dust.  “Chalk it up.”  I have what it takes -I am capable of getting out of this position and moving to a position of greater freedom and happiness.  I want to pray to God right now.  “God, whatever I have done to deserve ill, poor health, I am sorry.  Please allow me to learn the lesson so that I can move on and do something good with my life.”

“Looking forward, not behind
Everybody’s got to cross that line
Free me now to give me a place,
Keep me caged and free the beast” – 3 Doors Down.

No one will hold me down.  I will prevail.  I will take this step-by-step, day-by-day to free myself from this mess, this cage, this “mess” that I have got myself in.  I know that there is a lesson, spiritual in nature, for me to learn.  I will learn it, and I will move forward.