Partners of Sex Addicts: PTSD – Sex Addiction Induced Trauma


Partners of Sex Addicts: Sex Addiction Induced Trauma

McKinney Counseling & Recovery specializes in individual, couples and group therapy for partners of sex addicts and intimacy anorexics in the McKinney, Plano, Allen, Frisco, Dallas and surrounding areas.

I recently came across an article in The National Psychologist by Dr. Omar Minwalla. Dr. Minwalla is a psychologist, clinical sexologist and clinical director of The Institute for Sexual Health (ISH), a treatment center in Los Angeles that specializes in rehabilitation and psychotherapy for sex and porn addiction. Importantly, ISH focuses on the healing needs of the addict as well as the spouse, and is one of the few sex addiction treatment programs that conducts research on the traumatic impact of sex addiction on the addict’s partner.

According to Dr. Minwalla, partners of sex addicts often experience Sex Addiction Induced Trauma (SAI-T). SAI-T is a specific type of  trauma that results from the direct impact of sex addiction, including the impact of the sex addict’s chronic pattern of sexual acting out, relational disturbance, emotional abuse, deception, betrayal, manipulation and compartmentalization.

According to Dr. Minwalla, partners of sex addicts often present to treatment with symptoms similar to rape trauma syndrome (RTS) and complex post-traumatic-stress disorder (C-PTSD). This includes a re-experiencing of the trauma, social and emotional constriction, frequent triggering and physiological and emotional reactivity, anxiety, emotional arousal and hyper-vigilance. Some partners experience fears of exposure to sexually transmitted disease or concerns for the safety of their children. Social isolation, shame, and disruption in the ability to trust their spouse, self, or others is common.  Psychological pain for partners of sex addicts is particularly intense upon new discovery of sexual acting out, deceit, or relationship betrayals.

Dr. Minwalla indicates that the traditional field of sex addiction treatment often ignores the partner’s trauma symptoms. In fact, few professionals are familiar with Sex Addiction Induced Trauma and, therefore, remain largely unresponsive to addressing the healing needs of the partner.

The co-addiction and codependency model of treatment that is frequently used by sex addiction treatment specialists is described as “inadequate, clinically contra-indicated and wrought with ethical and moral challenges.” In fact, Dr. Minwalla describes traditional therapy models that focus solely on co-addiction, while ignoring trauma, as potentially harmful and re-traumatizing .

As a psychologist who specializes in helping partners of sex addicts recover from sex addiction induced trauma, I wholeheartedly applaud Dr. Minwalla’s efforts and look forward to the day when the sex addiction treatment community heeds his call for  ”compassionate and responsible action” for partners of sex addicts.

Dr. Janice Caudill, founder and Clinical Director of McKinney Counseling & Recovery, is a psychologist who specializes in helping individuals and couples heal from sex and love addiction, intimacy anorexia and intimacy deprivation, and relational trauma. McKinney Counseling & Recovery serves the McKinney, Plano, Allen, Frisco, Carrollton, Lewisville and Dallas areas.

All content provided on this blog is for informational purposes only. It is not intended to diagnose or treat any condition, does not create a client-therapist relationship, and is not a substitute for care by a trained professional. The owner of this blog makes no representations as to the accuracy or completeness of any information on this site or found by following any link on this site. The owner will not be liable for any errors, omissions, losses, injuries, or damages from the display or use of this information.

Grandma’s dementia can be cured – must watch


Grandma, is the family going to help you?  She cannot help herself, so we are now responsible.  We are responsible for grandmother’s health.  Will you turn a blind eye?  Grandma, there IS a cure!

4 must-watch videos:

“Forbidden Cures:”

“Food Matters:”

“Gerson Miracle:”

“The Beautiful Truth:”

Confirmed =)


Confirmed – Ashley lives here!

Now I have to get to work… lots do to today.  I have to clean out the booth from K&C’s Stuff & Things – Never again consignment!  Consignment sales were horrible, for everyone!

After clearing out the booth, we are probably (well, are, haha) going to be left with a lot of stuff.  This is always fun… sarcasm!  There is a community yard sale this weekend, so it should be pretty fun.  Great way to get rid of it!  Everything that does not sell will be donated to charity.

Alright, I need to get to work!  Have a good day!

March 28th, 2011- Near-future color for my bedroom :) Color psychology info.


I have decided to paint my room a medium-pastel colored green to help with the healing process and to enhance my creativity :)  I may also keep half of the room the medium-color blue to keep me work/professional/cause-focused, and for it’s “stabilizing” effect.  If the green and blue together get to be too much then I will paint the whole room green.  I hope to get this project started within a couple of weeks!

Color Psychology – Green

Green, which is Nature’s colour, is restful, soothing, cheerful, and health-giving. – Paul Brunton

The Color Psychology of Green

  • Green is a cool color that symbolizes nature and the natural world.
  • Green also represents tranquility, good luck, health, and jealousy.
  • Researchers have also found that green can improve reading ability. Some students may find that laying a transparent sheet of green paper over reading material increases reading speed and comprehension.
  • Green has long been a symbol of fertility and was once the preferred color choice for wedding gowns in the 15th-century. Even today, green M & M’s (an American chocolate candy) are said to send a sexual message.
  • Green is often used in decorating for its calming effect. For example, guests waiting to appear on television programs often wait in a “green room” to relax.
  • Green is thought to relieve stress and help heal. Those who have a green work environment experience fewer stomachaches.

Meaning of the Color Green

Meaning, symbolism and psychology of color: All About the Color greenGreen occupies more space in the spectrum visible to the human eye and is second only to blue as a favorite color. Green is the pervasive color in the natural world that is an ideal backdrop in interior design because we are so used to seeing it everywhere.

The natural greens, from forest to lime, are seen as tranquil and refreshing, with a natural balance of cool and warm (blue and yellow) undertones. Green is considered the color of peace and ecology. However, there is an “institutional” side to green, associated with illness or Government-issued that conjure up negative emotions as do the “slimy” or bilious greens.
How the color green affects us physically and mentally
* Soothing
* Relaxing mentally as well as physically
* Helps alleviate depression, nervousness and anxiety
* Offers a sense of renewal, self-control and harmony

Psychology of Color: Green

The color of growth, nature, and money. A calming color also that’s very pleasing to the senses. Dark forest green is associated with terms like conservative, masculine and wealth. Hospitals use light green rooms because they too are found to be calming to patients. It is also the color associated with envy, good luck, generosity and fertility. It is the traditional color of peace, harmony, comfortable nurturing, support and well paced energy.

Green

Currently the most popular decorating color, green symbolizes nature. It is the easiest color on the eye and can improve vision. It is a calming, refreshing color. People waiting to appear on TV sit in “green rooms” to relax. Hospitals often use green because it relaxes patients. Brides in the Middle Ages wore green to symbolize fertility.

Green

Physiological Effect: Green is said to be good for you heart. On a physical and emotional, green helps your heart bring you physical equilibrium and relaxation. Green relaxes our muscles and helps us breathe deeper and slower.

Psychological Effect: Green creates feelings of comfort, laziness, relaxation, calmness. It helps us balance and soothe our emotions. Some attribute this to its connection with nature and our natural feelings of affiliation with the natural world when experiencing the color green. Yet, darker and grayer greens can have the opposite effect. These olive green colors remind us of decay and death and can actually have a detrimental effect on physical and emotional health. Note that sickened cartoon characters always turned green.

 

Meaning of the Color Blue

Meaning, symbolism and psychology of color: All About the Color BLUEBlue is the overwhelming “favorite color.” Blue is seen as trustworthy, dependable and committed. The color of sky and the ocean, blue is perceived as a constant in our lives.

As the collective color of the spirit, it invokes rest and can cause the body to produce chemicals that are calming; however not all blues are serene and sedate. Electric or brilliant blues become dynamic and dramatic, an engaging color that expresses exhilaration.

Some shades or the overuse of blue may come across as cold or uncaring. Blue is the least “gender specific” color, having equal appeal to both men and women.

How the color blue affects us physically and mentally
* Calming and sedate
* Cooling
* Aids intuition

Psychology of Color: Blue

Ask people their favorite color and a clear majority will say blue. Much of the world is blue (skies, seas). Seeing the color blue actually causes the body to produce chemicals that are calming; but that isn’t true of all shades of blue. Some shades (or too much blue) can send a cold and uncaring message. Many bedrooms are blue because it’s calm, restful color. Over the ages blue has become associated with steadfastness, dependability, wisdom and loyalty (note how many uniforms are blue). People tend to be more productive in a blue room because they are calm and focused on the task at hand. Some studies are showing that weight lifters can lift more weight in a blue gym – in fact, nearly all sports are enhanced in blue surroundings.

Blue

The color of the sky and the ocean, blue is one of the most popular colors. It causes the opposite reaction as red. Peaceful, tranquil blue causes the body to produce calming chemicals, so it is often used in bedrooms. Blue can also be cold and depressing. Fashion consultants recommend wearing blue to job interviews because it symbolizes loyalty. People are more productive in blue rooms. Studies show weightlifters are able to handle heavier weights in blue gyms.

Blue

Physiological Effect: In contrast to red, blue proves to lower blood pressure. Blue can be linked to the throat and thyroid gland. Blue also has a very cooling and soothing affect, often making us calmer. Deep blue stimulates the pituitary gland, which then regulates our sleep patterns. This deeper blue also has proved to help the skeletal structure in keeping bone marrow healthy.

Psychological Effect: We usually associate the color blue with the night and thus we feel relaxed and calmed. Lighter blues make us feel quite and away from the rush of the day. These colors can be useful in eliminating insomnia. Like yellow, blue inspires mental control, clarity and creativity. However, too much dark blue can be depressing.

February 6th, 2011. “Emotional” by Carl Thomas.


I’m feeling sentimental and have this song in my head…

“Emotional” by Carl Thomas

I knew you when
I had a friend
Very deeply
Love lived within
But somehow we got loose
From what was oh so tight
Somewhere we went wrong
When we were oh so right

What’s a man to do when he just can’t take no more
What am I to do when my heart leads me to the door
Now we’ve tried and tried again
But now this is the end
Tell me what’s the use of holding on
If we can’t be friends

I’m emotional
And I can’t let go
I am trying to hold on to you
Though it hurts me so
Gotta let you know
That the love we once shared now is through
Say goodbye to you

You seem to hurt me purposely
I didn’t understand it
Oh girl, why me?
I had no choice
What was best for us
Was to terminate our love and be free

What’s a man to do when he just can’t take no more
What am I to do when my heart leads me to the door
Now we’ve tried and tried again
But now this is the end
Tell me what’s the use of holding on
If we can’t be friends

I’m emotional
And I can’t let go
I am trying to hold on to you
Though it hurts me so
Gotta let you know
That the love we once shared now is through
Say goodbye to you

I’m emotional
And I can’t let go
I am trying to hold on to you
Though it hurts me so
Gotta let you know
That the love we once shared now is through
Say goodbye to you

What’s a man to do when he just can’t take no more
What am I to do when my heart leads me to the door
Now we’ve tried and tried again
But now this is the end
Tell me what’s the use of holding on
If we can’t be friends

I’m emotional
And I can’t let go
I am trying to hold on to you
Though it hurts me so
Gotta let you know
That the love we once shared now is through
Say goodbye to you

I’m emotional
And I can’t let go
I am trying to hold on to you
Though it hurts me so
Gotta let you know
That the love we once shared now is through
Say goodbye to you

January 8th, 2011. Rob Thomas- Mockingbird.


I’m listening to this song…

And all of these years have gone by, and I’m thinking about Ashley… I am able to project into the future, and I feel sadness for the years that have been lost…  Ashley was one amongst the very few that understood me.  I miss her.  She cut me off on New Years Eve.  It shocked and surprised me because she had sent me a text message a few days earlier on Christmas wishing me a Merry Christmas, but I guess I texted her one too many times.  I was grieving because of things going on with Erin (I was alone) and because of the holidays (isolated, memories, wanting warmth), and I had texted her reminiscing, and she apparently didn’t want to hear it, but instead of communicating to me her feelings in an honest manner, she said “Stop texting me.”

I felt rejected, and I said something along the lines of “Fine, I won’t contact you again” and started balling.  You have to understand that Erin and I had just gotten into a huge fight and Erin was drunk and had taken a chunk out of my finger in an attempt to take Lucy away from me, and this individual from one of the support groups here that I was involved with that I was supposed to hang out with and possibly become friends with had stood me up, and I just wanted some support. Maybe I took what Ashley said personal, but I am angry (grief) that she has left me out of her life for the last couple years… she pops in every once in a while when she wants something, but then disappears again for long stretches.  It’s hard on me, and especially since I want to develop a rich relationship with her.  I am capable of giving our relationship the effort and honesty what it needs this time –that I was unable to before, but our cards aren’t right.

Anyway, this song was a song I originally heard while with Erin, so a part of it reminds me of Erin, but for whatever reason I seem to be focused on Ashley right now and our relationship –whatever that is and wherever that stands.  The song honestly also reminds me of Jen a little bit… just in the optimism, or hopeful part?  Rob Thomas is a very strong man who expresses his vulnerability honestly and openly, and it reminds me of Jen in that way.  Obviously I have not grieved any of these relationships completely or I would not be expressing this way.  At any rate, there is hope and optimism and some sort of strength with this individual and certain music brings up certain feelings about events in my life… past and present.  I guess grief comes in pangs… waves…