March 12th, 2011. Threats from my own “mother!” (LYME disease related).

I spoke with my “mother” today; miss Judy Lynn Downham, and she is threatening to sue me for asking her for help with my lyme and for posting the fact that my “family” won’t help me on facebook and on this journal!  She is nuts!

At any rate, I have had to delete all of my “family” and friends off of facebook because she will use any of the information she can get her hands on, including them, to use against me.  She is narcissistic and even my father stated this and used it in court to testify against her and her child abuse.  She tried taking him for all of the house assets, etc.

She called me today and wanted specifics on how much I owe on student loans and how much her husband co-signed for.  She also said she wanted to see my health records.  She claimed that I was “harassing, slandering, and blackmailing her,” which I am not.  She is literally throwing out words to gain the upper hand.

She can shell out hundreds of dollars to my brother and possibly sister yet she refuses to help me with anything.  I have not even asked her for anything in literally years.  She is obsessed with maintaining power and control and only uses Jerry.  I am now convinced that she has him wrapped around her pretty little finger.  The fact is, she is sick.  She threatened suicide after cheating on my father.  She is emotionally unstable.

At any rate, I am like a worn out shoe to her… she pawns her stuff off on me.  Everything is about reputation, and it always has been.  I am not sending her any records.  I will post my test results on here.  I am not going to send her records only to have her use them against me as further evidence that I am “harassing” her.  She is absolutely nuts.

I am going to pay for my own lyme treatment. I am selling my car.

March 11th, 2011. Blown off again!

I hate it when people blow me off.  Michael just blew me off again.  He blew me off a few months ago on New Years Eve and again tonight.  We had made plans a few days ago to hang out tonight, and I checked up last night on facebook to verify that we were still planning to hang out.  He said “yes.”  This afternoon I texted him to let him know that Erin’s father is definitely going to be out of town and that our plans to see the movie are still on.  He said that he had some “packing” to do and he’ll “let me know.”  Let me know what, I thought… “Oh, that’s right, let me know what time we’re going to hang out!”  Sarcasm!

I asked for clarification because his response sounded vague.  I said, “K cool.  We’re def chillin’ though, right?” There was definitely an expectation and a desire to have respect shown this time because the last time we had plans, similarly on a Friday, he blew me off.  Michael did not respond to my text.

At 5:30 I received a text from him saying, “Hey.  I wasn’t expecting a txt so late.  I’m bringing my stuff to NJ.  Can we reschedule.” I was thinking, “Excuse you?”  …a text when?!  I texted him at 2, nearly 3PM in response to his text immediately after his!  HE was the one texting me late!  I knew it right then that he was blowing me off yet again.  I became (and am) angry.  I am angry right now because this is the second time he has blown me off.

I said to him, “You were going to text me after packing and we were going to hang out…  I have been waiting to hear back from you to see when you wanted to get together.”  He said, “I know.  I just got done.”  I said, “What do you mean you weren’t expecting a text this late?  I am on facebook, please clarify.”  He said, “I meant I wasn’t expecting to txt this late.”  Again, he is being vague.  At this point it is clear that he is dumping me off.  It is also obvious that he is immature and not capable, or interested in via his actions, of following-through and being a friend.

He says that he “cares,” yet he continually blows me off, and when we do hang out, it’s to accompany him.  There is always a motive.  We had hung out the other day and the plan was to hang out and just chill for a couple hours… We met up at 4PM and we ended up walking, and within the first twenty minutes of the walk he stops and looks at his phone and says that he has an appointment at the gym at “5:30.”  4:30 rolls around and he says that he wants to go early.  He had suggested I “follow” him to the gym if I want to spend time with him.  Excuse you?  I am not here to accommodate you and/or accompany you!  I am here to spend time with you, not just pass time!

I had no clue that he had plans at the gym, nor did I know that we had a “time” limit, which by the way (see above) he cut short.  I do not feel like this individual is making time for me or follow-through on agreements (plans).  I am reminded of my ex, Jackie, and while Michael and I are not together, I would like to be good friends with him because I think he’s a good person and has good energy, but the fact is he’s just not reliable.  This baffles me because when I first met him in AA he said that he tries his best to “follow-through” with things and walk the talk etc. and stated that he “sponsors” men, etc.  He presented himself as polished and responsible, which by his actions, he is not.  There is a contradiction.

At any rate, I addressed my concerns to him and also stated that his actions hurt my feelings and his response was to sabotage our friendship.  Instead of taking responsibility for his behavior, he deflected the situation, stating that I am “too sensitive,” haha.  He stated, “You are way too sensitive.  You’ve flipped out on me twice.  I don’t want to be friends I’m sorry.  Please redelete me.” “Flipped out?”  Excuse you?  Of COURSE I am going to flip out when you blow me off not once, but twice!  The first time we had plans to go see poetry and you stated you couldn’t, and the second plans we had had for over a week –on New Years Eve, and you blow me off!  You expect this to be okay?

This “macho” guy cannot follow-through.  He is fronting.  He is pretentious and pretending to be someone he’s not, ie: all “responsible,” etc. and such, and it’s fake.  He’s  not sincere.  He refuses to take responsibility for his actions.  He admitted he is superficial, but that does not negate, or justify blowing people off and then making matters worse by deflecting the situation!  My point being, he’s not reliable and is immature.  There isn’t anything more frustrating than someone who walks all over someone and refuses to take responsibility for their actions.  The integrity is missing 100%.  Bottom line:  He is selfish.

What I would have liked to see is him follow-through for once, seeing as how he blew me off last time.  And two, taking steps to correct the situation. Instead, he deflects the situation and makes ME the problem, ie:  “You’re too sensitive.” He refuses to look at himself or his behavior and how hurtful and frustrating it is to others.  He does not care though, as demonstrated by his actions and lack of consistency and execution, and there isn’t anything that I can (or want to) do to change him.  Bottom line:  He’s irresponsible and incapable of demonstrating integrity.