It is a shitty day out, and I am in a shitty mood. The bike shop wasn’t much help. I have abandoned my errands for the day. Writing always helps, so when I am in a “funk” (so-to-speak) I write. I am annoyed and feel very under the weather today. I am frustrated because I do not feel like I have things efficiently run in my life right now the exact way I would want it, ie: with the bikes, computer, business attire, and backpack. In other words, my bikes… I have about 6 of them, and I have no clue how to work on bikes, and I am trying to swap parts, get the bikes to look aesthetic and efficient, etc., and all of the parts are different sizes, etc. and it’s really frustrating.
A bike is a useful and beautiful tool, but it’s useless without knowing how to work on them. The problem is I do not want to pay (invest) in all of these bikes when in the end I will probably only want to keep 1 bicycle and 3 bikes (short-term). I am hesitant to just fix one up (versus 3) because I do not know which one I want. I have 6 total, and 3 I am selling — the other 3 I am going to keep until I condense down to one. Every time I go into the bike shop Curtis looks at me like I have three heads. I cannot help it that I am not “bike savvy,” and yet he comments about how I want to work on bikes, ie: expressed an interest to him.
What he doesn’t know, which I have not had a chance to tell him, despite the fact that I have been in his store at least 6 times since this new realization has occurred, is that I have been unable to update him and notify him that I am only interested in organization right now. I work via priorities, and I have established a new priority. When he and I first spoke I told him I wanted to learn “everything” about bikes, and while I do still want to learn everything, I have decided that I would rather organize first, which is what he wanted for his store anyway. He expressed skepticism when I expressed an interest in fixing the bikes. As it turns out, I am still interested in all of that, but it is not my #1 priority, as I am interested in the organizational piece.
On another note, I am frustrated with my current backpack. My backpack does not have any air or ventilation holes, and as a result, I have noticed my shirt ends up drenched in sweat, and it’s pretty gross. Last week I bought a new Osprey “Raptor” series backpack, which was great except it was too small and it didn’t have the mesh water bottle pockets on the side that are extremely important to me (they work excellent for water bottles, umbrellas, and anything else that you need quick-assess to). The Raptor however did have everything else I was looking for, and it does conveniently come in a larger size. It is fully ventilated and meets my needs minus the mesh pockets which are super important. I do not think I could just get them “installed,” ie: tailored, either, because the quality would likely be cheap, and I think that’s something the company itself would need to do. I wonder if I could pay the company to do it?
I am just frustrated… I know I will probably delete this entry because that’s what I do with negative entries… I tend to keep them up only temporarily until I feel better and then I delete them. I just need to get it “out.” Blah. Every time I go into the bike shop Curtis is short with me; I do not know what he wants, but I do know that he never has the time for me… I am looking (desiring) to speak with him about the prospect of being an organizer for his shop like he and I had originally talked about before I had mentioned doing “everything” (I think I jumped overboard with the enthusiasm) and now he just seems to have lost interest… I feel like he writes me off as just some dumb girl.
I have offered to sit down with him and even treat him to lunch and yet he seems to preoccupied with work that he won’t take me up on the offer. I am frustrated. The man seems hard. Difficult? I am difficult too, but I still try and listen to someone and give them the time. At any rate, I just want him to give me some time… where we can meet and discuss business prospects, and every time I see him it doesn’t seem like a good opportunity to ask again. Why is it that I am extraordinarily capable yet being under-shadowed?
In terms of coaching… I am slowly and surely building a practice, but it couldn’t happen fast enough. I am frustrated at the pace of it, and I feel like I need to get out more. Actually, I know that I need to get out more. I have come to the realization that I am going to attract clients via events, not via flyers and post-its. At any rate, the events that I go to I don’t think would attract the clients I am interested in attracting? ie, poetry, discussion groups, open mic, etc. I am interested in attracting the typical workaholic, perfectionist personality. Most of my clients have had this personality and are in their mid to late thirties.
I am thinking of going to some “entrepreneurial” networking groups where I can display my work there. People can swap business cards and it will be (hopefully) comfortable for me to share my enthusiasm and skill for coaching. I am going to look up some on meetup.com. In the meantime, I just want to get these bikes fixed up, get a good multi-purpose backpack that is high quality and works, get my computer issues fixed (I have a brand new mac, and I do not like parts of the mac OS X operating system and am trying to use both Windows 7 and OS X together), get some appropriate attire for these professional networking events, and continue streamlining my life.
In terms of the MMS self-treatment for lyme disease and whatever else I might have going on, I am going to interchange between 1 and 2 drops because the 2 drops just seems to be too much in that it’s somewhat repulsive and it’s also staining my teeth! I may develop some consistent structure over time, but for now I am going to take 1-2 intermittently.
My CT-Scan that was scheduled for today has been re-scheduled for next Thursday. I put it off so that I could do research on CT-Scans. Next Thursday I will be good to go.