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Author, Speaker, Trainer, Personal Consultant
“What is it I can do 7 days a week that will put a smile on your face?” -Les Brown
“From one of the world’s leaders thinkers on creativity and innovation”
“Finding your passion changes everything”
Key leadership and professional development consultant and coach
-Emily A. Cox
Sometimes I feel sad and have to remind myself of my life purpose. I am human and cannot deny my emotions. To be cut off from loved ones hurts, and I don’t think you can really understand what that feels like until you’re in the shoes yourself. Amongst all of the hard work, I still think of her… she’s in the back of my mind, and I can only wonder whether she thinks of me. I see her from time to time, and she ignores me…. because? She is running away from herself and her feelings, that which she knows to be true but hates the site of it because on some subconcious level she is afraid… of hurt…. of rejection.
That is some pain, to deny those you love, and honesty. She’s killing herself. Numb. “Addicted.” Not to any drug, but to self-denial. It preludes. And I am left to stand here…
I cannot walk away from something I know to be true, nor can I deny my feelings. For the longest time I always knew her to be so “alive.” Now, I don’t know where she stands, much less where we stand other than the wall she’s placed between us. It boggles me. I’m sure we’ve all felt this way – romantic heartbreak… at some point or another.. where the feelings that linger… and no matter what, they just don’t go away. Friendship, closeness, and the liking. Certain people in our lives stick with us day-to-day. And that’s when I ask,
“What’s my purpose?” I remind myself of why I am here, and it’s not to love you… my soul purpose is not to love you, but I want a friend… a kinship. And yet she runs and she hides… this song coming to mind:
How long will she run and hide and seek out the approval of others? And what about that journal, of hers, that I never saw… can she read mine? Does she have any desire to? Does she just write it off like she writes her own feelings off? …lost?
I always stood by her, and I always stood up for her, as she stood up for me, and after all of these years I have never stopped caring for her. We were so alike, two fiery redheads stubborn and as strong as can be. Driven. To succeed, to be the best. To be honest – with ourselves. To be role models. And we were… but “did she die,” I ask? Where am I? Without her, I feel lost in some way… like a part of me has died… I need that connection in my life.
And I just sit here, and I wonder if all of my words are in vain… to take away all the pain, I never drugged out. I never have, nor have I desired to. I stayed clean. I am clean. I always have been, and I always will be. I guess I just have to trust the element of fate in my life a little more and surrender to “What’s meant to be, will be.”
Youtube has once again cut my videos off — the worst ever this time! I think I am going to try uploading via my blackberry and see if it makes a difference… For now, here’s the same old mac webcam I have been using:
I have a vision…
My vision is to… taken from my March 24, 2011 entry
Prevail. Resilience. Bounce back from disappointments.
The vision I hold for myself is what fuels me.
I believe that when the time is right I will go at it full-fledged. I know that I have what it takes inside to accomplish anything I desire to achieve, but I also do believe in a certain element of fate, and accordingly, I believe that there is a time and place for certain things. I am trying right now to heal carefully and not push my body beyond its physical limitations at any given moment, lest my chances of living a healthy, vital life are compromised.
Some — a small number of people that I have spoken with believe that I am living in a “fantasy” world with my vision and need to get “out” there. I have tried to explain to them that the system/structure must be set in motion before I can proceed to carry out my plan. I understand that the structure I create will not be flawless, as I do not believe in the idea of “perfection,” and I acknowledge that it will need adjustments, and I am aware of this; however, I am trying my best to devise it to the best of my ability before attempting to execute it.
Martin Luther King lead by Vision, and he has, for the longest time, been a role model of mine. He has character and morals similar to my own. Granted, I am much younger than him and also from a different time era, but we share similar values. At any rate, we both shared an embodied vision of our future and both share a single-minded, determination in carrying out that vision.
I will work until my very last breath to fulfill this vision, for not ever having had it in my life accompanied by a spiritual nature is what drives me and fuels the fire. I have a larger vision for myself and my family. I am a simple person with simple needs and an intensely rich inner life. I am interested in only the simplest but the richest ways of living, from filling my body with nourishing, wholesome fruits and vegetables to getting adequate, quality sleep to meditating and exercising.
LIVING, BREATHING, WALKING, INSPIRING, CREATING
Life, fire, water, air, and earth. I need little in life but the basics and a few close friends. My priorites are definitely being defined, and I am being shaped every minute. I am interested in what’s important, not in maintain a superficial, artificial life. I will harness my energies and prepare to release these energies adequately. Once I have completely defined what I want I will simplify it, taking something very complicated and watering it down, but nevertheless not losing its quality or rich “nutrients.”
I am interested in developing and maintaining positive relationships this year and provided for myself, setting the foundation to provide for a future family, and being able to give back to the community in which I live.