February 6th, 2011. Who we associate with/Values/Peer support group.


I am cutting out all unhealthy people in my life and when this happens it will be inevitable that I will be left with is myself and will be asked to examine myself closely.  I do believe though that association plays a big role in one’s development and growth –hindering or supporting.  “Guilty by association.”  People do have an effect on other people and the kinds of people we surround ourselves with is can break or make us.  There is energy associated with each person and situation.

One by one I will be making and learning how to make healthy, better (sensible) decisions for myself, being mindful of the kinds of people I let into my life and the choices that I make.  I am going to try and meditate a little and spend time  myself so that I can develop mindfulness for things going on in my life.  I am in the process right now of clearing out  my room –making my external environment a safe haven and a clutter-free refuge for me to retreat.  I think that this process of eliminating not necessary the “bad,” because I do not believe in strictly “good” and “bad,” but what does not align with my value-system, will be a *balancing act.  It almost reminds me of 13. The Death card in the tarot that states:  “Out with the old, on with the new,”“When one door closes, another opens,” but it’s a transition… and a slow one at that.

I just do not want something, ie: Erin and a selfish acting out incident on her part to hinder my progress.  I am not that strong to where I can just put my emotions aside and pretend (denial) to not be bothered; nor do I believe this is healthy.  I am really going to have to try and maintain focus and perspective.

I think that I am going to hop in the shower now even though I already took a bath today.  I want to feel clean 100% and well-groomed.  Then afterwords I think I will work on my budget for my 4 living options (2 of which seem most viable) and lists, ie: grocery, to buy/return, etc. some more.  The goal is to eventually have everything I need arranged and organized in such a manner to where I can access everything easily and efficiently, and save on costs.  It is important for me to be able to have my own space and have things run efficiently while enjoying life.

Tonight is Super Bowl night and everyone is coming over to drink.  Erin was quick to remind me that there would be much alcohol downstairs tonight.  I am not looking forward to this evening the least bit and cannot understand why people insist that fun involves alcohol.  Why not soda and popcorn?  Heck, or even juice and celery?!  I do not understand why people do not have well-developed values and am impatient with stupidity.  I really want to surround myself with value-minded individuals who are working towards similar goals and share similar interests.

January 20th, 2011. Making progress w/boundaries and self-respect!


I am deciding to post because I am proud of myself again!  I feel like God is throwing these lessons in my life, and I am handling them appropriately.  So someone from ACOA (Adult Children of Alcoholics) just called me and was acting very strange… she was speaking in a dissociated voice.  She called, and she said, “Emily, it’s me ‘Jen’ from ACOA; I’m calling you from the hospital…”  Anyway, the next phrase out of her mouth was:  “I tried to commit suicide last night.”

I immediately detached, ie: stepped back emotionally right there and did not allow myself to get roped in. I had had a bad feeling about her before sensing that she was unstable.  She actually came into ACOA two weeks ago and didn’t know me and was telling me her life story and about how she’s “unsure” of her sexual identity now, etc.  At any rate, it was very strange, and I gave myself a mental note to step back and be cautious.  When she called me from the hospital it further confirmed my initial impression based off intuition.

She proceeded to tell me a sob story about how her “poor cat” is left at home without anyone to take care of it, etc. and asked me if I would go to her house and feed it!  I knew right then that I had to set a boundary, and so I offered to give her numbers of other member’s in the group.  I feel smart about this decision.  I do not want to get roped into her drama and who knows how long she would even be in the hospital!  So I declined passively I supposed because I didn’t exactly say “No,” but I directed her to other members.

At any rate, I am proud of myself for putting my foot down and not getting roped into this one.  This is the 3rd incident in the past week where I have learned to step back and set appropriate boundaries… more than anything, where I have been able to apply my “principles” or whatever you would call them!  Good work and progress for me!  I will keep journaling.