I am tired and exhausted because I had chosen to stay up late last night reading about the XMRV virus in connection with my lyme disease. I was proud to have discovered that a connection has been made because the last time that I looked up XMRV in the fall of 2010 it had only been linked to Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. It’s good to see advances! And of course Dr. Joseph Burrascano is on top of the research.
At any rate, I am tired today. I am excited to start my new regime soon and structure –structure more or less; the regimen itself is going to be very difficult to follow seeing as how I eat carbs every single day, often three, if not four times a day. The lyme diet is very strict. I have been told it’s somewhat like the Atkins diet and that it’s also similar to the Gerson diet used to treat cancer patients.
At any rate, I am excited to incorporate my new structure and to apply the discipline to achieve it. I think that with adequate sleep I may very well be able to accommodate it and live it out successfully. Of course there will be challenges, which I believe I can overcome as long as I can identify them, and also through the grace of God. I do have belief in a spiritual power despite my anguish and triumph.
I trust that there is a “plan” for me. I will be honest, there are moments –many, where I feel completely helpless, and I am angry, bitter, and sad that this is happening to me, but I just remind myself that there will come a time when things are “better.” I will hold true to that. I have heard of many lyme disease patients committing suicide because life doesn’t seem worth living; I hope to not get to that point.
I honestly believe that I have a purpose on this earth to serve and help make a difference. I believe that I have what it takes inside to overcome and to be a part of the “greater” plan. I believe that I have what it takes to succeed listening to the Creator. I strongly believe that there is a chosen path for me. –that is not to undermine or underestimate good will, or personal will, as I do believe that we have and are given choices, but I believe that through this suffering I will become a stronger person, and I will trust with all of my heart that I can pull through this.
My “friend” is the night. The “night” and its stillness and silence is my companion. The stars. The trees. –the things that I cannot see right now because I am so far away from them, but in my heart, they stay, as well as the vision that I hold for myself and my life. I will overcome. I will believe.
I think there is beauty and richness all around us. I think that when we stop and breathe and take a moment to see the richness and beauty that life has to offer we can appreciate. Life is beautiful. I love life. I love people. I love the gifts that I have been given and the unique gifts that others share. I want to see the world a better place. I want to see people make a difference –to see people happy. We are meant to live out our lives with purpose, conviction, and integrity. To master unknown truths, but to know when to surrender.
“There is ‘beauty in the breakdown'” Dido once said. I will be broken down, each of my defenses, whether I like it or not until I learn my “lesson” –this I wholeheartedly believe. There is a “lesson” for that I just cannot see yet. There is truth in the unknown. There is a lesson here, and a magical healing and renewed spirit. We will prevail. We will walk together. We will know each other. We will love, respect, and tolerate one another. We will cherish one another. This is not a “utopia.” Change starts with us –with the self. I will walk through the fire if I have to, and by the water. I will try and rest and calm my body to the best of my ability, creating a good balance.
I will eat healthy foods, mediate, sleep, love, and pray. I will try and moderately exercise. I am going to do my best to overcome this dis-ease and sickness. Amen.